OKAY so this is something I wrote for my writers group, when I hadn't written anything...


So.....it was 3pm and I had my writers group at 7pm.  Clench time, panic in the disco time, perfectionism goes bye bye time, mind games ramp up full speed and my approaching excuse for why I haven't written anything is completely escaping my mind.   YIKES....So I sit at the computer and stare at the first line, the prompt.  Tick, tock says the clock in my mind.  Loser, yells the little girl in my head that used to taunt me in thrid grade.  I shake my legs as I sit staring full of nervous energy.  I put on worship music and decide to write with no thought of where it is going and no editing until completion.  And this is what I got....a download that feels straight from heaven.  

CAUTION:  This is not a reflection of my story....though some of it is from my life experience.  This could be anyone of us.  Any woman struggling with the disappointment of life not going quite as you expected.  The brutality of living in a fallen world can rip our faith to pieces, shred our hope and cause us to waver in our faith. This is written for all the brave women that want to pick up the pieces of this broken world and lovingly stitch it back together, stronger than ever.  This is for all the questions that won't have answers this side of heaven, this is for all of us that are brave enough to dream of overcoming this messy, crisis riddled, beautiful world. This is for those who when the rubber hit's the road....when God doesn't answer the way we think He should, can still say...God you are good, it may just be a whisper in the midst of our storm but together we collectively become a roar.  We won't give in, we won't cave to the fear. 

You, my brave friends give me strength.  

 I hesitate to say it is fiction because it didn't just come from my imagination....I really believe it was inspired by God.  I am sure He is a much better writer, but what can I say?  He used a broken vessel that isnt' that great at grammer.  


In that moment, she realized, everything had changed..

She stretched, rolled over and flipped her pillow.  Just a few blissful moments more, she thought to herself.  Breathing deeply beside her she could feel her husband’s presence almost more than hear it.  She scooted over closer to him, curled her body up behind him.  She laid her head up against his back and could hear the gentle thumping of his heart.  This sound made her happy.  She sighed quietly to herself. 

Dreams, where was I she thought…..she drifted off again…to a peaceful place.  Here she was closest to heaven, here in these disconnected thoughts that played through her mind she felt heaven as she drifted off to sleep.  Here was Jesus, spreading His arms out in front of her much like He had in a view finder all those years ago.  Her memories crowded around Him, pain and sorrow, laughter and joy it was all there her entire life.  As she looked from the outside she could see Jesus in the midst of it all.  It wasn’t arranged in time sequences, it was somehow just all there and He was somehow there in it all. 

Her on her bike,  and her in the dirt beaten and bruised.  It was all somehow visible with no time constraints and as she looked she saw the face of Jesus.  Joy filled his face as He made himself visible to the little girl on the pink bike….he laughed at her shock of seeing him and whispered to no one in particular, she needed a visitation from me it will sustain her.  Suddenly she saw Him looking on another scene, this one she recognized.  This one she hated. 
Wake up, wake up.  NOOOO, nooo,  nooo, She locks eyes with Jesus and He has tears streaming down His face with a look of compassion that makes her feel weak in the knees.  I was there daughter; I hated it as much as you hated it.  Sin given dominion, broken humanity hurting one another.  He(the enemy) thought he could punish me through you.  Fallen humanity, my creation became weapons one against the other.  This was never my plan. You were just a victim of a battle that has already been won. 

You see, look here, daughter.  He was pointing and the scenes began spinning like a roulette wheel with the swipe of his finger and suddenly the view was different, so very different.  Here she was comforting another with her story of abuse, Jesus laid his hand on her arm and she felt the release of comfort go through her body and as she watched she saw in a physical way, a release of comfort go through the girl.  The girls face framed with red curls, awash with tears looked up into her face and as she watched the scene as that of an outsider, she saw Jesus face illuminate on her own face and she saw the girl come into knowledge of the love of the creator. 

Instantaneously she felt joy, she felt the joy of all of heaven and she fell to her knees, so overcome by the glory of one coming into the fullness of Jesus.  Jesus himself was weeping beside her with joy and he whispered quietly….I turn all things to the good. 
He pushed the scene just a bit further, it went blurry for just a moment and then suddenly it was a hospital scene, the girl with the red curly hair was now dying.  Some type of an accident, people surrounded her bed, as she looked at the scene she instinctively knew these were the young girls last moments.  A Mother draped across the bed weeping told the story of great loss.  

Suddenly the room went still and the machines went off and just as suddenly the girl with the red curly hair was there, wrapped in the arms of Jesus.  They were laughing and spinning and the girl was clothed in a beautiful robe that glistened in many colors, suddenly over Jesus shoulder the girls with the red curly hair locked eyes with her.  The laughing eyes, the beautiful eyes that met hers were exquisite not the way she remembered them at all, full of the most glorious light.  The girl simply mouthed the words, “thank you” with such genuine gratitude that her heart began to swell.  

She laid down there, in that place of nowhere, outside of time and space as she knew it.  A happiness she had never known washed over me her and she continued to weep with this new understanding, this revelation of pain used for God’s purposes.  She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up into the face of Jesus.  He spoke gently, You see daughter, I can take what the enemy meant to destroy you and instead multiply the Kingdom.  You have become my instrument and in you the pain is redeemed into something beautiful. 
I could see that she would be lost through her suffering…. but you, you revealed my love, you became the balm of Gilead and she became my daughter.  You could not see from the earthly realm the potential in the heavenly realm.  It is my heart, that none should perish, I’m not speaking of this earthly home, for all shall die; that is the curse of mankind.   But it is my desire that none shall be stolen from their heavenly home.  

The enemy has taken enough; this is a season of redemption and revival.

He continued, what you call home is not your home, you are an alien there.  An unwelcome enemy to the forces of darkness, but I can turn what was meant as a curse into a force against darkness if you let me.  I can redeem what is meant to destroy, and you can become a destroyer.  Destroyer of hopelessness, of helplessness, of doubt, of fear, you can bring light and destroy the darkness that seeks to isolate and permeate those in this world. 

He lifted her up and the scene changed again and it was her children, laid out on a blanket under the mimosa tree in the backyard.  She is lying with them looking up into the leaves, watching the pink flowers blow in the breeze.  The smell of the flowers float across time and space and the scene becomes so very real to her she gasp.  The oldest sits cross legged, one on his knee and the youngest is lying flat on his back with his little toes straight up in the air.  Her boys.  She can hear her voice, she is talking about heaven.  The oldest ask about dogs in heaven.  That’s a good question she tells him.  But she doesn’t know the answer.   She tells him, whatever it is, it is going to be good.  She rolls over and they start pushing cars around on the blanket with the middle boy.  So engrossed in the scene she can feel the cool breeze, feel the contentment and love in that moment.  She looks at Jesus standing there beside her, I don’t remember this, she says.   He grabs her hand and says,  I remember. 

He pulls her clockwise and the scene blurs away and suddenly she is looking at a new scene.  It’s their pond and there lying beside it is her son with two small children.  They are in the grass looking up at the sky and he is telling them about heaven.  That they have an uncle in heaven, treasure in heaven he says.  He tickles them and says that one day we will all be there together.  The little girl grabs his face between her hands and says, “I see Jesus in the clouds Daddy, do you see him?”.  Her son looks up at the sky and squints his eyes, shrugs his shoulders.   No, he reply’s, but I know He is there….and he tickles her some more. 

She looks up into the sky in the direction the little girl was looking and see’s Jesus too.  The same Jesus she saw in the viewfinder when she was a six year old little girl on a pink bike.  He is there in the vision and he is here holding her hand, how is that possible? 
He squeezes her hand and chuckles.  I AM everywhere and those that look will always find me in some form or another.  I was there with the old woman that told you, you would write books and I was there when you screamed and cried in your car and suddenly saw heaven breakthrough in the clouds.   I was the stranger that passed by and gave you a word, I was the friend that held you up when you couldn’t stand on your own.  I was the voice in the mind of another that told them to send a book.  I AM everywhere and have always been with you.

Suddenly she is staring straight into her grandma’s living room.  There sits her grandpa in his rocking chair with his TV tray in front of him and beside him is her grandma and she is young and lovely and she can’t even remember her looking this young.  She is holding a swaddled baby and rocking the baby.  She hears her say, hello sweet thing.  Hello Debbie my darlin, you shall move mountains.  Jesus says you can do all things.
Her grandma is holding her ….she feels for a split second how safe this place is, how warm this feels.  Her Mother comes in the room and asks her grandma how church was and the Grandma replies, it was just fine and this little one never made a peep.  Slept through the whole thing like an angel.  She is awed by the scene, she goes to step closer, to touch her grandparents….

Jesus stops her forward motion with his hand on her arm, you cannot go back. 
With me you can see all things but only from a distance and you can never step into that time and space again.  He spins the scene again, colors whirl by, faces come in and out of view, smells that remind her of something…fire she smells fire.

It’s smoky and cloudy and she is frantically praying around her yard, the sky is covered in ash and she is proclaiming that the fire will not take the house.  Now clearly, she sees the host of angels surrounding the house, everywhere she had prayed they were stationed.  The smoke is burning her eyes, and she can see the fire coming over the hill, there is panic written all over her face and Jesus releases something towards her, the her that is  in the vision, suddenly supernaturally calms. 

Just as quickly the scene rotates again and this time…..

It is just Jesus and her, standing face to face, hand in hand. 
You are my bride, my love, for you I gave my life.  Not for you to live on an earth broken and tarnished by sin, not so you could endure the pain of humanity, not some cruel twist of fate, but so that you will be able to enjoy the fruit of a life well lived.  Eternity is your home, your place is beside me and every pain and heartache was an experience with the fall of man, but every glimmer of joy, every laugh, every smile, every accomplishment, every hopeful breath, every dream, was a moment of collision with heaven.  I have been with you, and will always be with you. 

You will not understand some of what you will walk through, but I stand and see past, present and future all at one time. I have 360 degree vision.  I see the eternal value in life’s lessons.   Trust me daughter; to do what is best for you and your generations to come. 
We will win the earth back, heaven will come to earth and you will understand that what you did for the least of these you did for me.  Your pain has not been wasted, you can’t see its value but I have parlayed it into something that makes you stronger and more equipped not just for you, but for your family, for your legacy.  No soldiers fights a battle without training and no soldier goes to battle without experiencing the gut wrenching reality of casualties, but I have taken the sting of death away and what seems to be the worst possible outcome is now the best possible outcome. 

You will plunder the spoils of hell and your experiences will populate heaven.  You think it is not noteworthy, but you miss the vision of your bridegroom.  I celebrate the one as much as I celebrate the thousands. You have an assignment; your calling can’t compare to anyone else or be judged based on what the human eye can see.  Your assignment will be played out for generations and you yourself will watch from heaven to see the fulfillment of the dreams and visions you had. 

Daughter, don’t be short sighted.  Every action, every wound, every bullet taken, every smile shared, it all is part of my eternal plan.  You cannot understand completely, but today I have taken your hand and given you a glimpse…. You continue to cower from the thought of pain but those that are most effective in my Kingdom work are those who are willing to lay down their comfort and run toward the pain surrendered to me and my purposes. 
Now the question is daughter, would you say yes to the pain in order to have the gain in heaven?  I did, will you?  And with that she was enveloped in a ripping pain that felt as though her skin was being peeled off, a crushing blow to her side and she was screaming and kicking and tangled up and gasping for air.


Her husband was shaking her…wake up, wake up…and as everything came into focus for what felt like the first time….In that moment everything had changed, that moment between waking and sleeping had changed everything and yes, yes she was willing. 

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