|They sang a song at our wedding about making us more like Jesus...that is still our hearts cry!|
Back in June 2013 trouble was brewing...
too complicated to get into, but it was a mess.
Gary and I went away for a quick vacation together.
It was a time of restoration and hope.
We pressed into the Lord together, worshiping and loving our God together.
This has always been the glue, the Spirit has always held us together.
Through thick and thin our love has always stood because at the very center is God.
In the midst of that, the Lord gave me this prophetic word:Every struggle I have is rooted in the flesh; doubt, anger, fear, selfishness
I must be stripped of the flesh, piece by piece....
Why do you doubt? Because the flesh can't believe in the Kingdom of God.
Why are you angry? Because the flesh wants no pain and discomfort.
Why are you fearful? Because you want to avoid pain at all cost.
Why are you selfish? Because you don't trust God to care for you.
Flesh is powerful and can grow back even after is has been cut away.
The Kingdom of God is created for those who are being stripped away of the flesh.
For those who can live devoid of its power over them, who can master it through the Holy Spirit.
The Kingdom is for those who can see how ugly the flesh is, who can bare themselves to the Creator and through force be peeled away of that flesh, that brings resistance to the Kingdom.
The creator will first reveal and then you must choose to cut it away, the fleshly attitudes and beliefs...to expose them not protect them!
To acknowledge it...this is my sin...not self protect...set it on the altar for all to see...
To die to self is my faith journey, the more I die the more faith I have
Could I live as bare bones in this world?
To let go of all the flesh and live only by my new heart?
To step into the body of Jesus made up not of flesh and bone but of Spirit....
To care more about truth and love than self and comfort?
Dying to self means letting go of all desires, laying them all down and allowing the Spirit to piece everything back together as He sees fit.
The Kingdom within us, not outside of us.
The flesh restrains the Kingdom, opposes the victory...the Spirit crucifies the flesh once it is laid on the altar, given freely.
Lay open the flesh, bare it on the altar, recognize and repent
Allow the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn it away.
Flesh is a barrier to the supernatural, peel it away bit by bit...layer by layer.
Then you will walk in the Kingdom on earth, in a new manifestation of heaven.
Then you will bear My image, flesh obscures my image but bare bones reflect it.
Death to self is life. Your life becomes My life.
Die more today and every day and find more and more Kingdom.
Holy spirit fire or fire by trial, which will it be?
This is the Kingdom, the very opposite of the flesh.
Holy Spirit fire, burn away the flesh and bring your kingdom through your purified servants.
Release the Kingdom as they commit to live free of the flesh.
My husband and I wept and prayed and said to our Lord...whatever it takes Lord change us and mold us, we long to be bare bones. To be reflections of You, to bring your Kingdom to this earth. To be those that lead the way and birth the Kingdom into the world.
We submit it all.....and we meant it.
We had no idea what that would look like, the price it would cost. If you want more of Jesus and less of your flesh it will not be an easy battle. It means long hours in His presence and torturous hours of battle. It means acknowledging the worst of yourself and picking it apart bit by bit and replacing it with Holy Spirit qualities. Its an ugly process and a beautiful process and we said yes.
Life got worse not better. There is no victory without battle. No territory taken back from the enemy without a bloody war waged. God knew what was coming, He always knows. There were consequences to be paid some were ours to pay and some were not, but like a tidal wave coming straight at you there was no escaping it. Betrayal and death came to our door, but don't they eventually come to all of us. We determined to head straight into the pain, waves crashing over us we treaded water and grabbed unto hope only to have another wave crash over us....soon our flesh was worn off in places. We landed on shore only to find ourselves shipwrecked in grief and there....well, there we climbed up onto the altar again and again and begged for the fire to burn the flesh away so healing could come.
You see when you are dead to the flesh, it can cause you no pain. Dead people don't feel pain (Im not there yet, think it may be a lifelong process). There has definately been progress....Holy fire has burned away things in our hearts and lives and the pain has become duller and hope shines brighter than ever.
Self protection was gone, instead authenticity.
Anger was gone, instead humble submission.
Fear, what is there to fear once you have experienced the worse?
Selfishness, is slowly fading away as a burning love for others rules our hearts.
On the twenty sixth of June we will have been married for twenty one years. The love of my life, man of my dreams is still my favorite person and Jesus is still the center. Our battles scars are worn proudly. The reason they are scars is because the Holy Spirit, the balm of Gilead has healed them. WE have learned from them. They are no longer gaping open wounds, they are scars and eventually there will be no flesh left to even hold scars because together we are becoming devoid of flesh and covered in His glory. Till He takes us home, this is our goal: To be Kingdom birthers and flesh killers....it's gonna stay messy but it is also so beautiful and so very worth it. His Kingdom come....