Somewhere between....

 

Somewhere between fear and faith,

somewhere between hope and despair.

You'll find me there, somewhere.

 

I wrote these words in the one of the darkest moments of my life.  Fearing my son was dead and clinging to my faith with every once of strength I had.  I turned to worship to soothe my soul as we awaited the news.  Lost in a storm of emotions and questions my heart echoed the word.  The son that was sent to die, the blood that was poured out, the pain the Father must have felt at watching His son endure such agony.  His plan for redemption was clothed in pain and death.  My heart is full of fear and doubt, as I am begging for my son's life.  Seeking an answer but finding none.  Hours passed by, worship continued and I kicked into what I know.  I know God is good, no matter what it looks like.  I know God is working all things to the good.  His word echoes through my mind and in my heart I cry out to the Lord in surrender, no matter what Lord you are still good.  Life or death hang in the balance.  Fear and faith compete within my own heart.   My son, my man child survives.  This beautiful boy that I have cherished for eighteen years, wiped his tears, changed his diapers, helped with homework, watched as he played daredevil, snuggled with on the couch, prayed over and wept over, and now he is not lost, but found.  Somewhere between fear and faith, hope and despair God is always there.