I hadn't preached on a Sunday(some other events but not a Sunday) in a year. Last Mothers day was the last time that I can remember. Now everything is different, just one year later. Our lives changed, our faith changed...broken and battered yet somehow stronger....
I preached yesterday, it started out rough. I started crying before service, I got scared and sick to my stomach. I worked myself up good.....I felt vulnerable. I knew I would talk about Justin, how could I not? I didn't want to cry, I wanted to communicate hope and victory. I can still be sad and have hope and joy because of the Word of God. First service was hard, second better (sorry about that if you were at first).
Preaching Sunday reminded me....I love sharing His goodness and the fact that I am walking through grief does not negate that goodness and the joy that can be found in Him. Studying for Sunday reminded me of how much I love the word. It got me out of all the other books (grief and heaven books) and into the Word.
As I preached and looked into our church communities faces, I felt such love. Love for them and love from them. I felt safe. I felt stronger. We laughed and we danced and in the end there were salvation's! So today I am thankful and going to hold unto the experience and look forward to the future.
It was a good start to what may be a hard week....or maybe not...whatever it is, it is... and that's okay. I'm okay either way because He is with me.
He loads me up with gifts and wipes away my tears.
18 You have ascended on high, You have led captivity
captive; You have received gifts among men, Even from the rebellious,
That the Lord God might dwell there.
19 Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with
benefits, The God of our salvation! Psalms 68:18-19 (NKJV)
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