Thank you Lord.

I have tried for days to think how I could possibly write about what I am experiencing in this season of my life.  How could I possibly share this part, this pain?  How could I possible call myself authentic if I don't share this part of the story? I would have felt like a liar telling only part of my story.  I am going to tell my story, the whole story because in the telling there is healing.

There is more than one way to deal with this type of tragedy...For me, I choose to invite it in and laugh with it. Yes, there are still tears and there is much work to be done in my heart but there is also hope.  Sooooooo, I am going to write and share and maybe it will help someone else, because let's face it we all need hope.  

You will find no juicy details here.  For now what you will find is a woman who wears the scars of a marriage destroyed by chronic infedelity (this news was as if someone had ripped my heart out and for weeks after I lived in a state of stunned devastation). I was a woman who felt humiliated and victimized for almost a month after I found out and then I decided....enough is enough.  I will not be defined by this situation.  I have lost a son, a marriage, a job, a church, but I have not lost the most important thing and that is my faith. This is not the ending of a story, this is a new beginning.  This unintended journey, is still a God journey.  This is not what I would have chosen, I wanted a happily ever after story.  However, in the midst of this pain there is a purpose and I choose to lean into it and be better for it.

Here is the deal.  I could continue to cry and lament(and I may still some) about what I have lost and let's just be honest I have done that already... I could keep doing that or I can turn my thinking around.....
I am thankful for twenty three years of marriage.
I am thankful for the life my husband provided for me.
I am thankful for all the good parts of my husband.
I am thankful for my children.
I am thankful for all the good times and family vacations.
I am thankful for being able to travel around the world.
I am thankful for the opportunity to do missions trips to Kenya.
I am thankful for the opportunity to partner with God and build an amazing church.
I am thankful for the community of believers that taught me love.
I am thankful for the person God has made me through all of my life experiences.
I am thankful that in the midst of broken dreams, broken vows and broken hearts there is laughter and the will to go on.

The enemy is chasing me, there is a wrecking ball in my mind(you can surely imagine) but I run into the Holy of Holies and he doesn't dare enter there.  So that's where you will find me.  When you are there, whether it is in worship in a church or prayer time in your home know that we are connected through the Spirit. I miss so many of my sweet friends but I know our hearts are forever tied together.

By the way, I still believe in "Happily Ever After" I just think it is going to look a lot different than I expected.  I am thankful that we live in resurrection power, He can resurrect my broken heart.
As a matter of fact, I think God is doing an upgrade.

So....this is the beginning of my sharing the most brutal of experiences and how God is walking me through it.

Love you my tribe!

Debbie