She rejoiced, for hope had come!


The woman had spent years being used and disgraced, but one moment with him had changed everything.  He had protected her when others wanted to stone her and she in returned had pledged her love to him forever.  Not the kind of love that could be sold for gold coins and certainly not the kind of love that meant marriage.  This was different.  She was different.  She who had been a woman despised, had become a woman of love.  A woman who could love a man of power and authority without relying on the enticement of her body, wanting nothing from him other than to drink in his wisdom.  She could sit and listen to him for hours and his holy love brought healing with every word. With her head lifted higher than it had ever been, she was clothed in strength and dignity now.  The past was the past and her future had never been brighter.  They welcomed him into the city and she followed quietly behind, content to be in the shadow of the man from Galilee. 

They dined together that night, his closest circle of friends and she knew something was not right.  His conversation was vague and tinged with a deep sadness she had not seen in him before.  She waited on him and prayed quietly for this man she had grown to love so deeply.  As she cleaned the dishes and prepared the house for sleep she felt his distress.  She caught his eyes and a smile crossed his lips, not of flirtation but of kindness and genuine love.  A love that she had never known.  She went to sleep full of hope that he would accomplish his purpose and be the reigning King one day.  On that day she would gain back her reputation, her heart would be truly healed, on that day she would enter the Kings court and serve him with adoration and expectation.  She drifted off to sleep with the scent of her costly perfume in her hair. 

She was awakened by weeping and wailing and jumped to her feet.  What could this be?  she thought to herself.  She ran to the kitchen to find many gathered there all repeating the same thing, Jesus had been taken.  Taken, she thought this cannot be.  She listened to the conversations for awhile, tears clouding her vision.  Taken and abandoned by his friends.  This could not be.  I must see for myself she thought and she slipped out the door of the host home.  Heading for the center of town and listening to the whispers of those who just yesterday had cheered him on as he wound his way through town.  She came to a sudden stop, where there he was for all to see.  His robes gone, his skin ripped open like a sacrificed animal, his blood pooling all around him.  She couldn't bear to look at him, but how could she not?  This was the man who had saved her life, this was the man who had healed her heart, this was the man that had changed everything about her life.  She stood still and willed him to look at her.  The Roman guards were not done beating him yet and every strike of the whip made her jerk her head away.  Look at me, she cried out in between blows.  He looked up and for a split second their eyes locked and then the crack of the whip came down and his head was wrenched in pain to the side.  She screamed out and fell to the ground.  I will not leave him, she thought.  He will not go through this alone.  There she stayed, watching and allowing him to see her waiting.  It was as if by seeing her, he was able to endure it.  Their eyes would meet briefly and a small glimmer of hope would cross his face.  She was powerless to do anything to stop it.  The blood staining the stone ground began to flow towards her, eventually staining the hem of her garment.  The blood being pulled up into the very fabric of her dress, I will not leave she thought to herself.  Then suddenly they came and took him.  They pulled him by his arms, his legs limp behind him.  Leaving a trail of blood in his wake that made her consider the fact that perhaps, he had lost to much blood. Perhaps, he would not survive the night. She pulls herself up only to find her hands now covered in his blood.  She wipes them on her skirt that is already stained across the bottom and walks away, leaving a bloody footprint trail.  Where will I go she thinks.  Who would take a woman like me into their home.  She looks for the disciples but they are no where to be found.  She knocks on doors that no one will answer.  She searches for friendly faces that she had met along their journeys, the people that had crowded around to hear the man from Galilee.  Everyone looks away from her, the blood stained mad woman running through the streets.  She yells out his name looking for his followers, but no one claims to know her Jesus.  She heads towards the outskirts of town where the other outcast are gathered, she sleeps in the trash thrown out by the city.  In her heart she knows no matter how desperate she is, she will never go back to her old lifestyle. 

She awakens to see a crowd going up the hill, men condemned to die leading the way.  Brutally being forced to carry their own crosses.  She runs towards them terrified of what she sees.  No, no, no she screams as she realizes every hope she has had is now dashed to the ground.  She screams out his name and he turns his head towards her, his gaze piercing through to her heart.  The covenant, the covenant, the words play around in her mind as she watches them climb the hill. What will happen now to the Kingdom he had promised, the hope for a nation was now being led up a hill to be slaughtered.  She can't  bear another moment watching, she throws herself in the ground face first.  She begins to pray as she has heard him pray, rhythmically she cries out to the Father in heaven to intervene she continues for hours even as she hears him scream out something indescribable.  And then suddenly the sky grows dark and the earth trembles.  She screams as she runs for shelter under a tree, she falls there exhausted from hours of tears and mental anguish.  She fitfully sleeps until dawn and then arises looking to find where they have buried him.  The tomb is freshly cut and covered with a large rock, men stand watch outside of it.  How strange she thinks to herself why would you need to guard a dead man?  Then she is reminded of Lazarus, he too had been dead.  Maybe all was not lost, maybe there was still hope.  She finds a place close by to hide and wait.  She recounts his stories in her head, his words that he had spoken, the parables until she falls asleep right where she is.  She awakens in the morning hungry and goes in search of fruit or some type of food.  She sees some women in the distance but is to afraid to approach them, what if they too hate him and are looking to hurt his followers.  She stays out of sight and finds a fig tree to eat from.  She returns to be in view of the tomb, nothing has changed.  She stays quietly there until night time comes again, the hunger in her stomach of little thought to her as she tries to unravel the mystery in her mind of how the man from Galilee who seemed to know all things didn't seem to know this was going to happen.  He must have known, she is thinking as she drifts off to sleep.  She awakens with a start, of course he knew.  That was what that whole dinner conversation had been about....Someone had betrayed him and this was all a part of his plan, what was it he had said?  I must go first.  She jumped up quickly and ran to view the tomb and there she saw the stone rolled away.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, she spun around quickly and there he was.  The man from Galilee, with holes in his hands and feet but no blood.  She wrapped her arms around him and he spun her around.  She laughed and cried uncontrollably as she touched his face and marveled at the smile that was filling his face.  No more pain, no more death, hope had come and her heart was filled with a new kind of love, the love of a savior. 

I too, have been loved by the King and changed forever.  The Kingdom has come to my heart and hope lives there.  Though my mind my forget the hope I have, my heart always remembers.  Faith is not for the faint of heart and I am forced to pick myself up, dust myself off and remember that He is alive!  I look into his face and see my hope restored.  He lives to fulfill His covenant in me, in my life.  He has made a way, I need only trust in Him.  It may get dark sometimes, but Sunday is coming!  He paid the price, set the captives free and gave us victory over death.  He is the resurrection and the life.  Happy Easter friends, may the great I AM fill your heart with hope as we celebrate His resurrection. 

This life is both beautiful and brutal.



This life is both Beautiful and Brutal
 
I am surronded by both an army of love and a torrent of sadness. 
I am filled with both the joy of the Lord and the sadness of loss.
I am laughing and smiling and then crying and sighing.
I am surronded with both death and life.
I am filled with hope and yet find myself in despair.
I am weak and yet strong in Christ.
I am finding my way, yet utterly lost without Christ.
I am alive and yet dying.
This life is both beautiful and brutal,
sin stained and grace filled.

My life is both beautiful and brutal, sin stained and grace filled and one day I will leave the imperfect for the perfect, to be with the great I AM.  Until then I crawl up on the altar and offer myself as a living sacrifice and the old is made new again; the brutal made beautiful, the sin stained made grace filled.  Until then I am perfectly imperfect.  A friend once told me progress not perfection. So maybe sometimes I crawl off the altar, sometimes I get scared of the pain, sometimes I just run from the hard things and sometimes, just sometimes I let Jesus shine through me as bright as the sun. 

The God of Second Chances

He is a God of second chances and thirds and fourths and so on and so on.....
The man was not old, but not young.  She had watched him quietly eat his meal and pay his check.  Kind enough to the waitress to be noticed but not overly kind as to be perceived as flirtatious.  Handsome and a bit rugged, she had sat and listened as her friend rambled on and she wondered what this man’s story was.  She was always on the lookout for opportunities to meet interesting people.  This man, well something about him seemed interesting.  She let her mind drift to the people she had met in her life, people she had been able to share a piece of her story with, people she had shared a piece of her God with.  Suddenly she was brought back to the table and out of her thoughts as Mindy asked her what she thought.  Searching her mind for bits and pieces of what she had heard Mindy say she muttered….hhhmmmmm as she tried to come up with a good answer.  Then she threw out the best answer she had, what do you think God would say?  She turned the question around on Mindy, after all God was paying much better attention than she had been.  And with that she engaged back in conversation with Mindy and waited for the check to come so they could step outside and then head to church.  It was Wednesday after all.

They paid the check and pushed through the doors into the cool crisp air.  There walking a few steps in front was the gentleman she had noticed inside.  Intently looking at his phone, then taking a few steps he was in a hurry but unable to do two things at one time it would seem.  She noticed him lean a bit to the right and then suddenly he went down face first.  He didn’t just trip, it was like he was a marionette and someone had suddenly just cut the strings.  He fell hard, half on the pavement and half on the grass and didn’t move.  She was paralyzed.  Mindy turned to see what she was staring at with her mouth gaping wide open.  OOOOHHH!  Screamed Mindy and they both began to run towards the man.  He wasn’t that far away and yet time seemed to stand still, she felt as though she was running in slow motion. Aas she kept her eyes on the man she felt an eerie shutter run up her spine. 

She blinked as she looked at the man, Mindy was trying to dial 911 but in her mind everything went quiet….sitting on the man’s chest was a demon of some sort.  She stood still as it looked at her with yellow eyes and sharp teeth.  A cross between a rabid dog and a contorted bent man;  it’s front feet with long nails enveloping  the man’s heart.  She blinked again, her very breath seeming to echo in her ears, in the background she could hear Mindy telling 911 where they were. A very long second passed by, she was still simply staring at the thing; Demonic reality staring at her as she stared back at it.  Tick tock, tick tock went the seconds in her ears.  Jesus, she whispered in shock at what she was seeing and grasping at the only answer she knew.  Jesus, she shouted louder and bolder.

Then just as suddenly as she saw it, it was yanked off or flew off or something….it was just gone.  The man jumped up, she heard Mindy say, uuuhhh wait, he just got up?  She heard Mindy tell 911 to hold on.  She knew she should move but wasn’t sure what to do.  She stepped quickly to the man and put her hand on his arm.  Sir, please wait you were just lying flat on the ground, out cold we need to make sure you are all right.  She was thinking to herself, sir you were just in the grip of something terribly demonic I don’t think you should just go to your truck and drive off.  Of course she didn’t say that, how crazy would that sound? 

The man looked at her; his eyes didn’t seem cloudy or confused.  He seemed just as he had before kind and intentional.  He rubbed some grass off the bridge of his nose and said he had to pick somebody up from the airport.  She felt certain he was in some sort of shock, she asked him his name and date of birth thinking perhaps this would help them access that he was coherent.  After all that is what they seem to do in the movies.  She wasn’t a nurse, nor a doctor but she knew this man should take a moment before driving.  As she looked into his green and brown eyes she suddenly thought she might know him, maybe that was why she had been drawn to him in the restaurant.   No, as she searched his weathered face she realized she didn’t know him but she saw something in him. 

Sir, are you a Christian? She asked him.  Why yes I am he said, with a half crooked smile playing on his lips.  Mindy standing beside them starts rattling on with the 911 operator about how the man seems fine now and hangs up.  She contemplates what to tell him and then just blurts it out.  Well, let me tell you what I just saw.  It is gonna sound pretty crazy but it seemed very real to me.  I saw something demonic sitting upon your chest and for several seconds it just sat there and then suddenly it seemed to be ripped off or jumped off and then you just stood right up!  The man took his hat off, rubbed his head grinned  and said, that doesn’t seem to strange to me at all. 

It doesn’t she exclaimed.  No, he started explaining that he was a Pastor and God had already saved his life once before.   He is certainly a God of second chances he said.   He chuckled to himself as he walked away.  He sat down in his truck, thought to himself about how good he felt.  He ran his hand over the defibrillator implanted in his chest.  This heart that they tell me is to big must still have work to be done, he thought to himself.  And with that he put it in gear and drove off to pick up his friend, he didn’t want to be late for this important divine connection. 

In the meantime as he pulled away, Mindy said she had never seen anything like that before.  The woman paused looked at Mindy and then said to no one in particular except herself, that man still has work to do.  Then off they went to church to share the story of one man’s encounter with death and the power of God to end the assignment of the evil one against this pastor.  She had received a vision that not many will see but one that is happening all around us, all the time.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against spirits and principalities.  She had the privilege of seeing what most of us miss, the battle that rages continually.  She knew in her heart that the name of Jesus released the power and authority over the demonic in that moment.  Next time she wouldn’t be still for so long…….next time she would say the name of Jesus much sooner. 

A heart that's frail and torn.



I know, I know...it says this blog is funny but really....it's not all that funny. 

Is there funny in the life that's unraveling, in funerals and teenagers, in sickness and a dirty house, in addictions and a house full of disappointment, in angry complaints and selfish demands, in tear stained faces and little children lost?  Is there any funny left in this broken world?
I search through my memory banks, seek out the hope that restores joy.  I, like Jesus cry out...My God, My God... I know I have never been forsaken, and so the words stop on my lips.  The words of a song, rising in my heart and I remember that I am not the only one in this world to feel crushed by the daily pressure and to long to find the hope in the darkness.  I know the victory is won, but the battle is hard.  So is it funny?  No, not at all....but sometimes you just have to decide to laugh in the midst of the storm.  Eventually you can see the funny but right now it's no fun at all.  And so I search for the words to the song and I remember that I am never alone.  Funny and Joy are two totally different things and today is not funny, but today I can have joy because redemption wins and death has no sting.  I wanted things to be funny, I always want the funny... but today I will settle for sweet joy in the knowledge that redemption wins. I know, I know...I am melancholy but maybe tomorrow I will be funny. 

So here is the song, its from Twelth Avenue North called "Worn"

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

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