Lobotomy, yes please.

She said, rest and I don't just mean physical rest.  I mean mental rest.

I said, what?  

She said, mental rest. You know, where you turn off your mind, delegate work and don't carry others burdens. 

I said, damn.  I think I may need a lobotomy.

She didn't laugh.  Which was odd because I thought it was pretty clever.  

Seriously people, my tribe....how does this happen?  Turn off my mind?  I thought only men can do this.  No offence to men, but truly I have no frame of reference for this.  No on/off button for my brain...trust me if I did my husband would have been using it late at night when I just had one more question.  

So tonight as I lay in bed and think of my friends poop problem, finances(mine and everyone elses), ebola,  a mother who will spend her first night without her 6th grade son, how much I love my boys and why they don't want to spend every waking moment with me, how can I possibly learn to mentally rest when I am a chronic mental workaholic, I wish I could flip the off switch.  Rewind to simpler times, before the world fell apart.  Before I knew this pain and struggle.  

Instead I will pray for all those things and more, shake my foot and count backward from a hundred, flip my pillow over and over and sigh loudly even though no one is here to hear me.  I will eventually drift off to dreamland after a long and torturous recounting of all things dreary and a mantra of "I trust you Jesus" meant to combat the fear nagging at my brain like a swarm of bees.  Bzzz bzzzzz bzzzz

Tomorrow I will wake up and begin the hard work of over analyzing how to rest....mental gymnastics until finally I will remember that I can't keep striving.  That rest comes through surrender.

Aaahhhaaa I think I may have sweet sleep tonight after all, just as soon as I finish praying. 

Thanks for listening friends, it helps.

Debbie