Turn your sighing into singing!

So yesterday in church, I sang out loud into the microphone.  It wasn't a pretty sound, it was a real authentic sound.  It was spontaneous( not in my notes) and it was vulnerable.  I shared a "new song" that I had found myself singing for the past year since Justin left this earth.  "I still believe, You are good!" that's the song...just a few words that I would sing to push myself to remember that God is good (sometimes we just need to remember).  I sang it more in the beginning, less in the last few months.  Although the last few months have been brutal for me, physically and emotionally(probably should have been singing it).  Sickness had worn me down and my emotions....well let's just say I was worn to a fray.

             It's the continued push and drive necessary to keep pressing forward and then              

 never hitting a finish line that gets me sometimes. 

  It's the grief that washes over me and takes me under, when I thought by now I would be all better.               Wishful thinking, it turns out we are never really all better. 

But I will not be silenced by the grief. 

I don't care what I sound like or what anybody thinks it just seems to be trite in light of all that I have walked through in the last three years.  There is a level of freedom in having walked through hell and survived.   Brave just got tested.  Who cares what anyone says anyway....I have lived through the worst things ever and so now I sing in a microphone and in a video for all the world to see.  I am a worshipper and God continually turns my sighing into singing.

It was a joyful noise.
It was the sound of break through.
It was the sound of bravery.
It was the sound of worship.
It was loud and it was off key.
It was so much more than what it even appeared.
It was approval addiction broken in a sound.
It was fear choked out with a voice.
It was more annointing and less of me.
It was a joyful noise.
It was the sound of sighing turned into singing.

It is who I am in Him, a worshipper and that makes me able to sing....not well, but sing nonetheless.  He loves it and in the end that is really all that matters.  Don't get me wrong...not looking to sing out on a microphone again, but you will find me in the front row of church singing my guts out.