I AM Jonah

Jonah and I....
I know that storm...the one that you just want to jump overboard to escape.
I know that fishes belly....the one that is dark and unexpected.
The one that doesn't feel like rescue at all, it is just as dark as the storm was.
I know what it is to not drown but still be stuck.
Grief is like the belly of the fish...dark, cold and lonely.

I escaped drowning in the grief only to find myself clinging to hope.
Like Jonah I have been torn between despair and deliverance.
I have not liked the direction my life was taking....I have wanted to run the other way.
Like Jonah, I will not get my way in this situation.  My son is gone, there is no choice.
I could run for days and still not get what I want.

So I sit in the belly of the fish, in the cold dark place.
And like Jonah....I cry out, in my distress.
I will not forfeit the grace that is mine.
I will sing a song of thanksgiving in the midst of this place.
For the Lord has always been my deliverer.

Like Jonah, the Lord has rescued me.
Like Jonah, I sometimes return to the angry place.
Like Jonah, I sometimes forget the great mercy and compassion of the Lord.
Like Jonah, I don't recognize the shade and shelter He has provided.
Like Jonah, I forget how great my God is.

He controls the seas and everything else.
His mercy and compassion never fail.
His heart for the lost is great.
He gives opportunity for all to turn to Him.

He is love, even when I can't see it in the dark places.
He is love, He rescues us all.
He is love, He rescued my son.
He is love in the belly of the great fish and love in the shade of His grace.
He is love, deliverer, hope, grace, peace, redemption, compassion and all that is good.
Jonah teaches me that, as I see the Lord throughout his story.

Like Jonah, I appear to be a lifelong learner.
The grief storms, the waves of fear and sorrow they may toss this boat...
but this time I am singing the song of thanksgiving long before I get into the belly of the fish.
Then He will hide me in the shade of His grace and I will not question His plan.
I will just rest in His shade and soak in His presence.

Like Jonah looked different when he came out of the belly of the fish, I look different now.
In the Spirit I am different; there are lessons learned in this suffering that I could learn no other way.
Grief has left me whitewashed, vulnerable and yet stronger and more passionate.
I am more open than ever to the one who delivers, more hungry than ever for His presence.
Unlike Jonah whose story ends abruptly
                                             ....my story continues as does His grace in it.