These words flash through my mind over and over again....unintended journey. I am on an unintended journey. A road less traveled, that's for sure. I am not sure where it is going to take me, but I am excited. I am full of hope for the future. I have just spent the last one hundred days of my life in some of the darkest of days. Pain that creeps upon you and paralyzes you, tears that won't quit.
No one likes to talk about the raw truth of how ugly and painful and shameful things can be, but I will. Because many of you have felt that too. You have known the hurt of unexpected journeys, of loss and disappointment. Like me you have walked through times of silence from God, but like me if you press on one step at a time you will hear His voice again. You will feel His presence again. Be brave friends the promises of God are just around the bend in the road.
On this unintended journey, understanding was critical. It is just how I am wired, how God created me. How did I end up here? I have split my heart open and examined it loathingly and fearlessly. I have seen my failures, my flesh, my selfishness, my pride, my desires, my codependency,my blindness, my works mentality, etc. I have looked at it with new eyes, fresh eyes born of the spirit. I have had a Damascus moment. A life changing moment.
I can fix no one but myself. I have no responsibility, but for my own heart. I cannot change what has happened, but I can change the pain. If I don't transform the pain I will transfer it to others. I choose to follow the Healer, to repent for anything I have done and transform the pain to gain. I choose to believe that somewhere over the rainbow the healing will come. I can trust the God of the universe to point me in the right direction. I may not be able to see past the curve in the road but I can trust Him to keep laying the road out in front of me and leading me to the promises.
These days it is not so brutal, these days it is easier and easier. These days the Lord gives me dreams and visions and fills my nights with song. These days He gives me friends to carry me on my mat to the healer. Take a look at Matthew 2 where the four friends carried their sick, broken friend to be healed. We all need those friends. These days there is less carrying and more walking it out. I am still carried in some ways; by prayers and laughter, small gestures and big hearts. Jesus is strengthening my heart daily in the sweetest of ways.
This I know, we shall overcome. Every last one of us that profess the name of Jesus shall overcome.
So I give myself broken, damaged, humbled, to the Holy one who says.....when you are weak I am strong and I say in all honesty I am weak and He strengthens me with the one thing that is so easily lost....HOPE.
I am a laid down lover of God and no amount of hell is ever gonna change that because GOD IS GOOD. Circumstances suck, consequences affect us all, this world is really messed up, but God is still good. The best is still yet to come.
Be filled with hope friends, Joy always comes in the morning! Laughing again and loving my tribe.
Let's be brave together, let's be kind to one another, carry the broken, humble ourselves and let's just focus on the speck in our own eye. Love better and bigger than ever, expect nothing in return.
No comments:
Post a Comment