My Boy Has Two Birthdays

He was my baby once.  It is easy to forget that when you see the pictures of him all grown up.  He was my baby that changed the course of my life.  I say He rescued Me.  My party-party lifestyle immediately halted the moment I found out.  I would choose my baby.  I would keep it a secret, take my last semester loaded with college classes in order to graduate In time.  All the while knowing my body was making a baby.  The minute I felt the butterfly wings of his tiny little body move in my stomach I loved him.  I was scared but I didn’t care. 

His delivery is etched in my heart.  That shocking pain that no amount of classes can prepare you for, the brutality of pushing a baby out and the beauty of falling unbelievably in love in a matter of moments.  

When I first looked at Justin I literally felt love like I had never experienced before.  The rush of hope and joy that filled my heart as I looked into his eyes was overwhelming, this was my son.  No amount of commotion going on in that room could cause me to stop looking at my boy.  

As I stared at him, a sweet peace descended as I thought to myself; everything has changed, I will never be the same again.  

And I wasn’t the same; it was never the same again.  Life became more than me, it became us.  That new life would lead us to California and eventually into a life with Christ.  He changed me, he made me better and I will forever be grateful for that.  He was funny, the funniest of all my boys, he brought laughter and tears.  He was complicated, sensitive and passionate.  He loved with his whole heart, no holding back.  That passion could be a good thing or a bad thing.  When he was good, he was very good but when he was bad you had better watch out.  His imperfections made him vulnerable but not any less loved.  In the end it isn't what he wasn't that we remember but what he was. Chosen and loved.  The life of the party, any party.  Funny and passsionate.   And he was made in me,  in my belly.  He will always be a part of me.    He was perfectly imperfect like the rest of us.  Just a sinner saved by grace.    

Now, my boy has a new birthday….a heaven birthday.  Born into heaven on Sept 23, 2013 and on that day I sat at my kitchen table and thought to myself….I will never be the same again, and I am not. 

But Love Remains.

Justin Drake Shoppa        May 7^th, 1988-Sept 23, 2013